What truly amazes me is that I still have enough liquid in my body to still cry.

90% of the time, I feel like vomiting.

The other 10% of the time, I am actually vomiting.

It’s really easy for other people to tell you to not blame yourself but it’s a whole other ball game when you just keep running what happened over and over and over again in your head and feeling sick to your stomach every time you think about it and then not being able to eat a whole meal because you feel so sick and throwing up what you actually did eat and then you go over what you could have done differently and picked out things you knew you shouldn’t have done even as you did them and then feeling even more sick and then the idea of getting out of bed in the morning or ever is the actual worst thought in the world.